reflections

Greg has been out of town pretty much this entire week for work....

This week has felt quite long..... As much as I crave quiet and down time in my busy life... When the house is quiet it doesn't feel normal anymore. Without hearing Greg and Casey play, laugh, and chase each other, it feels like the house is missing something. My bed has felt too big at night, the house too quiet in the morning and while I've maintained the routine we always keep, my routine has also felt strangely "off."

I've had a lot of time to think this week as I've been up alone after Casey goes to bed each night.... Here are a few things that have run through my mind...
- I miss my husband when hes not around. A lot.
-While the house has stayed cleaner with just Casey and I home, I miss the clutter and Greg misplacing items on almost a daily basis and then asking me where they are
- While I have had a lot of fun this week spending time with Casey individually, I really appreciate our growing family
-I wonder how on earth I would be home with two kids when the next baby arrives if Greg goes out of town again (which he will)
-I still don't feel like I balance life well despite having had Casey almost 2 1/2 years ago. I am no closer to feeling balanced between my responsibilities of having a stressful job, helping my toddler grow and learn, keeping my house clean, having time to myself that is enjoyable, spending quality time with my husband and all the other things I feel I should be doing.
-Despite what is listed above, I have learned to let some things go. Yes, that may mean I don't clean toilets as frequently as I used to and the laundry does pile up.
-Learning to let those things go have helped me enjoy the nights with my son after a long day of work or spending time with my husband and not always informing him of what's due for a cleaning
-I need to take in the minutes, moments and events with Casey daily. I feel like I barely remember what it was like when he was 6 months, 12 months or even 18 months old...it makes me wonder how having a second baby will make me think about these moments and milestones.....will i try to pay more attention? or will i be so busy the moments just fly by?

Despite the long days, the stressful days or the lonely ones, I am so incredibly grateful. And I will continue to remind myself, everytime I find myself getting irritated with Casey because I've redirected him for the 100th time in 4 minutes, that I have to enjoy these moments... because one day in the future I will think back to this time and I know my heart will ache for the days when my sweet two year old said "snuggle" everynight just to keep me from leaving his room before bed.I will miss the days when he wants me to kiss his ouchie or he wants to "help" me sweep the floor or cook dinner.

My cup runneth over.

Changes

So much has been going on in the Madison family the last few months. So. Much.

We have been getting settled into our new house, trying to organize, decorate and figure out how we want everything to be arranged and look. We recently began tackling Casey's bedroom. He had a toddler bed in his room but we hadn't really begun making it his "big boy" room yet. He now has a full sized bed, new bedding, cute blue walls and some fun decor for the walls. He looks absolutely adorable when I peek in on him at night and he is snuggled up in his big bed. He is such a sweet and loving little boy. He is becoming increasingly hilarious everyday and brightens my stressful days in ways I never dreamed anyone could.

In addition to getting the house ready the past few months, we have also learned that Casey is going to be a big brother! Thats right, Baby Madison #2 will be arriving in July 2011. Its definitely been a challenge working full time, taking care of Casey, working around the house and dealing with first trimester yuckiness.... but I thank God everyday for our newest blessing.

We had our first ultrasound 2 weeks ago and then got to hear the baby's heartbeat today at our appointment. Even though its the second baby, the joy and excitement you feel when you hear that tiny heart beating is JUST as thrilling as with the first baby. The idea of loving a second baby as much as I love my little Casey is so exciting and overwhelming all at the same time. My cup runneth over.

Below is a recent picture of Casey as well as one of Baby #2.